I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
