I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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