Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
