i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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