he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
