you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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