I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
