saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
