Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
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