She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
