Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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