The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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