to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
