Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
