I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize