Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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