At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Randomize
