i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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