You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
