i already hear my dad disowning me
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
