girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
