i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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