Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
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