I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
