I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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