none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
