Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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