Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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