Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
