The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
