I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
