If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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