I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
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Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
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Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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