We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
