my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize