She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
