maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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