Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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