so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I have tasted many bathrooms
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
