I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
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