You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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