Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
It's blow job season.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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