Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
wrigley field is MILF paradise
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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