talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
