Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
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Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
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In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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