dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
