you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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