I CAN MOONWALK!
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
