I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
