i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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