dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I just gargled with NyQuil
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
