Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
