Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
He had one of those small greek statue penises
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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