I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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