i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
