3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
