I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
