he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
