its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
