"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
