Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
