I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
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My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
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But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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