did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
