Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
