if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
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I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
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I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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